another surprise

Yesterday's amazing alertness came to a crash today. I think Mama had another little stroke this morning. I'll be watching her these next few days to see what follows.

always guessing

Every day and night seem different. I thought we had a pattern going but just like the years of caring for infants, the pattern never lasts. After a lot of groggy and somewhat dreamlike behavior for several days, Mama seemed to really wake up last night. Don't expect it will last long and may not enjoy it but it is what it is.... Hmmmm, wonder what today might bring. Or should I say WHO?

crazy nights

Wow! the last two nights have been full of surprises. By day Mama is a mild mannered and helpless little old lady and by night she becomes assertive, commanding and defiant :-) It would be funny if it weren't so scary. I told Lib that if I were 6'1" and muscular it would work out fine. Since we are about equal in size and shape I can't manage her very well alone. We are going to have a new evaluation by home health nurses this week and get a little help from them.

new life

I have been here @ mama's house for 2&1/2 weeks. So far I don't regret the decision we've made to live here with her in order to bring her home but some days I am very restless. She seemed so grateful to get back here at first but is becoming more and more distant every day. It is likely the disorder itself as we have chosen not to force medication to keep her present. There is great reward in knowing the right thing to do and being free to do it but the rewards are mostly in the "knowing" since she shows almost no signs of appreciation most of the time. It is so much like caring for an infant. Although she may show great distress when unhappy she shows very little emotion of happiness. I pray every day for her to be freed from her discomfort and distress.

We enjoyed a leisurely Saturday together... out to breakfast, reading, thinking and talking. Spent a lot of the afternoon thinking about the kitchen remodel and flooring ideas for living room and hall. I really must get back to life. I mean life with other people. My summer has been filled with thoughts of KY and all that is changed there. Grieving my loss of Daddy, Mama's departure from reality, JoAnn's knee and bladder issues have kept me from being present here.

I am reading Kathleen Norris's book, Acedia & me, and it is bringing me much understanding of my condition over the last few years. Thinking a great deal about it and talking with Mike concerning the impact of a. and how to begin to overcome the power it has been wielding over my life.

Meanwhile, hoping to choose living over shutting down. Community over self-indulgence.

We've been home a week. It has been a week of alternately working to try and get the house in order and running away. Seems to be taking me lots of drawn out hours to do (stay at) the most simple and routine tasks. Mike brought home a book by Kathleen Norris on acedea and I have begun to comprehend what is wrong. Maybe I can begin now to take action to correct my steps and go in the right direction.

We got home from the beach last night and Mike left this morning for a motorcycle overnight. He is over in MS for the night. I'm doing as little as possible and in fact am in bed already. We are exciting people :-)

Nice day today. Mike and I met Lewallens for breakfast then went to Mobile fabric store hunting. After the first store (which was full of wonderful textiles) we ate fried chicken at a local spot, yum. Then on to find the next store which was also a fun stop but even better, right near the local America's Thrift Store where we snagged some great buys. We wasted some time looking for the next store and got there just as it was closing :-( Oh well, it was a good time and after a stop at Hood's up 59, got back to the house here to have Hawaiian pizza and watch t.v. Sigh, now it's time for bed... good night.

Mike and I are lazing the day away down at Gulf Shores. The Brushes offered their house to us for the week so here we are. We had a major delay getting here b/c of the caddie shutting off due to a bad sensor. We just repacked and brought the bimmer arriving at 11:30. Thanks to benadryl, slept in till 9:30. It's so hot we haven't even been outside. But we are resting.

The chaos of rearranging is keeping me from sleeping so I'm up with coffee @ 5:42 a.m. Hope to get everything in order today so I can relax and enjoy it all. I guess the leather sofa will stay in the kitchen until we can get a truck and some help to move it. Getting things out of this house and off this hill makes me understand the Appalachian houses with appliances, etc. sitting on front porches.

I wish I had the energy to finish what I started. Bought a gorgeous red Pottery Barn sectional yesterday at the thrift store. Got it all washed and freshened and spent the whole morning moving furniture around. Can't get it right. I really need my sister or my daughters to stimulate creativity. Mike and Schuyler worked, sweated and hauled but for me to get it here and get the old ones moved out of the way. I want this to look extra specially nice because of all their hard work. Back to work.... my brain is tired, not to mention my muscles.

Sitting in Crestline Starbucks waiting on car air conditioning to be charged and reprogrammed. Spent over 2 hours in line at Jeff Co DMV satellite office this morning to get the caddie title transferred, AL license, etc., etc., etc. Now she's mine all mine.... yikes. Now we're on to pick up Mike's baggage at Birmingham International. A day of stuff.... bank, baggage, taggage and repairs. Hope there's no drama as this day goes on.

After picking Mike up this morning, we had a leisurely breakfast at Another Broken Egg trying to recap the week. A lot to process from both perspectives so we will be trailing along with that, I'm sure. So happy to have him home. :)

I am home in my own bed >sigh< and expect to rest well tonight. Spent most of the afternoon with my seven college roommates plus a couple we've adopted. They are out for dinner and will have brunch together again tomorrow morning. I'm sorry I needed to get home and couldn't stay to hear all that's going on in their lives. We had time for "thumbnail sketches" as we ate and talked today. Such amazing ladies and wonderful stories of lives touched by Jesus in such unique ways. He calls me to follow Him and they are some of those cheering me on. We really missed Mike, though. He was a constant presence in our apartment on High Street that year and even though he's a "manly man", he is also in touch with the feminine side and lots of fun in a room full of women. I'm most blessed to enjoy marriage with such a companion.

Watching Mama trying to live without Papa brings me into a place of appreciation for Mike as I have never had to do without him. One of my roomies lost her husband very unexpectedly just three weeks ago and she was there with us this weekend. To say she is amazing is not nearly enough. More like "beyond all I can think or imagine" as she works to process what's happened and what's next. They were in the middle of a move from L.A. to Windsley Island off Washington's coast so she is halfway packed and going on with the plan. She has always been an inspiration to me with her commitment to Christ in a quiet but unstoppable way. I am hoping to keep in touch with her through this transition into a simpler life in a quieter place. So desirable to me. I hope to keep up better with all of them in these years of change.

Okay, I'm starting to sink into

Wow! Weeks fly by and it seems that no matter how I try, I never can slow them down. I have memories of childhood summers that seemed to have endless days and long twilight evenings when my friends and I would go from make believe to "mother may I" to catching lightening bugs. I hope my grandchildren have memories like that. Long, sleepy summer days when a child thinks summer will never end and Christmas will never come. I know time has been speeding up year by year as life adds stress after stress. Will time slow down as life processes taper off? Will I like it if it does?

Here I am at Mama's for the week. Lib and I have been organizing and going through things for her. She seems so awake and is wanting to do stuff and that's kinda amazing. I guess time will tell whether she will continue to improve. Our oldest brother, Howie is on his way to visit as well so it will be a week of family, food and fun! We'll miss our other brother, Woody and of course we all are reminiscing last summer when Daddy was still with us. He kept us busy and entertained with his efforts to deflect our attention off him.... never wanting to be a bother and always very committed to taking care of himself. He was a rare example of true fatherhood.

Meanwhile I haven't had news from Haiti since yesterday morning. All was well when Mike called but today was going to be a long travel day to get from Port au Prince up to the mountainous region where they will stay in the village of Bombardopolis. I hope to hear from him when they arrive tonight.

Well, that's about enough for now. More to come of my exciting life and times....

Getting ready for Haiti

Today is the day Mike will begin packing his gear for his trip to Haiti. So many things to consider but wanting to keep it simple. I'm hoping he can get all his gear organized and ready so we can enjoy tomorrow without reservation.

Look for updates here as I get them from him. He's arranged to have cell coverage for the week he's there and I hope his range is good.