another surprise

Yesterday's amazing alertness came to a crash today. I think Mama had another little stroke this morning. I'll be watching her these next few days to see what follows.

always guessing

Every day and night seem different. I thought we had a pattern going but just like the years of caring for infants, the pattern never lasts. After a lot of groggy and somewhat dreamlike behavior for several days, Mama seemed to really wake up last night. Don't expect it will last long and may not enjoy it but it is what it is.... Hmmmm, wonder what today might bring. Or should I say WHO?

crazy nights

Wow! the last two nights have been full of surprises. By day Mama is a mild mannered and helpless little old lady and by night she becomes assertive, commanding and defiant :-) It would be funny if it weren't so scary. I told Lib that if I were 6'1" and muscular it would work out fine. Since we are about equal in size and shape I can't manage her very well alone. We are going to have a new evaluation by home health nurses this week and get a little help from them.

new life

I have been here @ mama's house for 2&1/2 weeks. So far I don't regret the decision we've made to live here with her in order to bring her home but some days I am very restless. She seemed so grateful to get back here at first but is becoming more and more distant every day. It is likely the disorder itself as we have chosen not to force medication to keep her present. There is great reward in knowing the right thing to do and being free to do it but the rewards are mostly in the "knowing" since she shows almost no signs of appreciation most of the time. It is so much like caring for an infant. Although she may show great distress when unhappy she shows very little emotion of happiness. I pray every day for her to be freed from her discomfort and distress.